


Acceptance

by Devon (DevonKei)



Series: Haikyuu ship prompts [2]
Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: And a bit of fluff, Angst, Best Friends, Fluff and Angst, M/M, Maybe more - Freeform, Pre-Relationship, Sharing Clothes, Sharing a Bed, i still don't know how to tag, ok definitely more, seijou third-years
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-03-28
Updated: 2017-03-28
Packaged: 2018-10-12 07:33:25
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,099
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10485597
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DevonKei/pseuds/Devon
Summary: The Seijou players all take the loss against Karasuno hard, but it's when they're alone that the feelings of doubt and pain hit hardest. Iwaizumi blames himself as an ace for the loss, and tries to get away from the pitying eyes of family to deal with it on his own. In the late night hours, the solitude proves to not be of assistance at all. But his best friend might be.





	

**Author's Note:**

> *finally writes something*  
> *forgets to post it*   
> ...what can I say, I got myself together. 
> 
> Hope you enjoy this!  
> Reviews are looooved!

Losing is hard.

Iwaizumi's always known this.

It's hard when you're weak, and when you haven't trained enough. When you can only blame yourself. _It's even harder_ , he thinks, chest shaking with chokes he's desperately trying to force down, _when you've done everything right._

_When your best isn't good enough._

\- ••• -

Ignoring the knot in his chest was almost easy when his friends were there. They would bicker about nonsense to ease the tension, play another game to stay together that much longer, and they would cry because of their bond, because they were a team that would be no more.

They wouldn't think of their individual faults, they would not place blame.

It is when he is alone that Hajime finds it substantially harder not to let the iron grip on his lungs invade his thoughts. In the solitude of his room, every team picture up on the wall is a reminder that his personal failure as a player, _as the ace_ , cost them this match.

\- ••• -

He stops crying when he's in the shower, but it's like his tears are redirected into his clenched throat to drown him. His muscles carry him through the routine mindlessly, while he grapples with the burning guilt in his heart. Carried off to bed with no idea how he got there, he collapses straight onto the mattress.

\- ••• -

When the ball hits the ceiling and comes back down into his outstretched fingers, Hajime stops to listen for the possible sound of footsteps heading his way. With his family long ago nestled into their sheets, he doesn't want them waking up for their sake as much as his. He holds his breath in expectation, hoping he wouldn't have to meet the understanding eyes and gentle words of his family again.

After making sure no one is roaming the halls, he resumes softly bouncing the ball straight up over his head, taking greater care to hit less hard. He evens out his breath anew, as he so often practiced, but the wall crushing him doesn't budge, instead pushing down at his lungs harder with each attempt at an inhale.

He stops the ball yet again, hoping to find a way to ease the invisible chains taking hold of his body. Lowering the ball down to his abdomen – but keeping his hands on it loosely – he closes his eyes and pushes his ribs out in a forceful inhale. 

The stiff breathing technique doesn't do much good, even after staying at it for a couple of minutes – more so because he refuses to acknowledge the real reasons behind the constriction, rather than actual hope of effectiveness. 

"Nothing - I - could have done," he finally whispers into the still air, pausing a couple of times before the he manages the full sentence. Voicing the plaguing thoughts seems to snap the last thread of reality into place. He drops the ball next to his bed quietly, and folds into himself to settle onto his side. 

The last thing he sees is the strip of moonlight over his gym bag and he closes his eyes knowing his disappointment won't fade easily, and that he has to find a way to deal with it on his own because either way, the world keeps spinning. 

\- ••• -

The night is giving way to a pastel dawn when the door to Iwaizumi's room slides open with a whisper. Although he can't say he'd expected him, Hajime is not surprised to find Oikawa leaning on one foot, his usual haughty demeanor replaced with a weary smile and slight, unsure shuffling from foot to foot. Otherwise looking polished, in a white shirt and an unbuttoned coat, hair effortlessly spotless, only his glasses betray that the setter hadn't spent the morning worrying over his appearance. 

"Hey", he finally voices, but pauses again to worry at his lip. "Thought you might be awake too."

Though at another time that probably wouldn't have sounded like a reason to come over at the crack of dawn, Hajime understands his friend's need, even if he doesn't quite know how to put it into words either. And though he's been hoping for prolonged isolation all night, he finds himself not minding Oikawa's presence at all. 

If that catches him unprepared, he doesn’t show it.

"Yeah." He keeps it brief because there is really no way to answer differently without delving into the cause of their shared vigil, and then because it doesn't seem necessary to evoke the feelings out loud when they're both used to conveying a lot more without actually using any words.

"Mind if I crash here 'til morning?" Oikawa's eyes dart around for a second, before decidedly locking with Iwaizumi's. 

\- ••• -

They remain quiet after that initial exchange. After all, they've spent years reading each other's words and finding out what was omitted, so it's hardly difficult to understand what's laying under the surface tension. 

Oikawa mutely discards his coat and shirt, sliding on one of Iwaizumi's T-shirts.

Iwaizumi silently moves over and makes place in his bed for Oikawa to crawl in.

They both sprawl on their backs, like they often did in their childhood sleepovers. It's been a while since one of those, but familiarity sets in, and just like once ago, when he used to be scared of monsters, Oikawa's hand reaches over to grasp Hajime's. 

Warm fingers tangle with cool ones, as both boys realize they've been missing this connection. 

"I know we're no longer a team, but, Hajime, I-" Oikawa's voice waivers a bit, but he squeezes their joint hands, and almost manages to finish the sentence before sliding back into uncertainty. "I don't want to-"

He turns to meet Iwaizumi's even gaze, the unspoken "lose you" thick in the air between them as they lay in a bed not quite envisioned for two.

Hajime squares his jaw, and replies with a gentle "Me neither", before they both lean in for a hug together, as if on cue. 

They hold on tight for a long while, until the hug melts into something some long-term, with Oikawa's head tucked into Iwaizumi's chest, with soft curls tickling his neck, and the ace's hands encompassing Tooru completely.

One of Tooru's own hands finds its place on Hajime's waist and the other over his heart. 

As they start drifting off into sleep that's been eluding them all night, Tooru feels a hand sliding into his hair, and a few words barely audible even right next to his ear.  
"Sweet dreams, Tooru."

 

In the early sunlight, two tired and worried boys rapidly losing consciousness feel the chains around their hearts begin to loosen.

**Author's Note:**

> You can find me on tumblr too! ^-^  
> idevon.tumblr.com


End file.
